Sometimes I need to remind myself I’m not only an old member of the Knights Who Say Ni, I’m now also it’s Guild Master. I’m the face of the guild, I’m the one who should be there to run the guild and settle any problems that happens. And I keep thinking I’m a failure at that.
Between the new job, my personal (and oh-so-messy) life, friends and family, I don’t have as much time to be online on wow as I used to. I really feel bad when I hear about the disputes that sometimes happen in the guild and I’m not there to help sort them out. I often hear about them from Mendin, when he ends up texting my cellphone telling me to log in ASAP to see some shit happening (and I usually can’t). And I keep telling myself how lousy a GM I am for not being there for my guildmates when I should.
But I know it’s not really my fault. We always had “RL > WOW” as a rule in the guild, and I’m just following it. Also, I have awesome friends and officers, like Veld, Chilly and Balz, to help me deal with the guild management while I can’t be there. But I want to be there more for them too. Not only on the raid issues, but also on the day-to-day guild life.
We were discussing about recruiting more people for the guild, because our raid attendance is never optimal. We can never get enough people for a guild run, and also bringing friends who are not really optimal for the group; I know we got others with issues to come, like Taliesan and Anows, but they also have the “RL > WoW” factor. Still, people want to run raids, and we can’t seem to schedule them to a time where we can get everyone who’s geared and willing to come. It’s not like when Pixxie ran the guild, where everyone WANTED to come and made efforts to go out of their way to come to raids. Can you guys tell I still look up to her too much as to how to be a raid leader? Yeah…
So… I shouldn’t do that. I shouldn’t try to fit in other people shoes just because her way worked. It worked because it was Pixxie running the show. It worked because she ran the guild in her own way. I’m not her. I’m me. And I have to find my own way to run the guild. Like it or not, I’m the boss now. And as much as people don’t respect me like they did respect Pixxie, they do like me. And I am yet to earn their respect.
Chilly, Balz and Tenn are right now our raid leaders. I should try and push forward on both the recruiting and the scheduling, and also try to run the show once in a while. Read more on the strats, know the fights, do what I used to when I was raidleading Ulduar. Be that bitch who yelled and wanted a perfect execution on the fights. Pay attention to my surroundings, not only on my job. It worked to some extent. Why wouldn’t it work now, and more, why wouldn’t it work to guild leading too?
So, yeah, this was not a post about how to be the most perfect guild master ever. It is a post to tell everyone that no guild master is created overnight. No guild master is perfect and infallible. That, pretty much like every character in the game, behind every guild master is a person, fearful of failing his comrades and friends, and possibly wanting to do the most he or she can for their fun, and for his/her own.
I know I’m still on babysteps at GM’ing, but I can tell you… One day, I’ll stand proud and tall on Marsupilami, Guild Master of the Knights Who Say Ni. And everyone on that guild will be proud of being a Knight. :)
Also, this post on World of Matticus (“Tough Call: Roles – RL vs. GM”) is half of what prompted me about this post (the other half being my personal almost-inability to leading people. Actually, it’s more like I rather be led than leading. And that’s something I need to change in myself. So I can not only be a better GM, but also a better person. :) )